Embracing my body’s wisdom

I can’t say that Reiki saved me, but I can certainly say it helped me get closer to my soul’s guidance. Ultimately, I saved myself by finally deciding to trust my inner wisdom.

In 2017, I was nearing the end of a four-year battle between my head and my heart. The whispers had started long before that, but during those four years I was trying to silence an inner knowing that showed up in many health symptoms: panic attacks in the middle of the night, chronic anxiety, depression, and chest pains so bad I could barely breathe. I was locked in survival mode with no way out— or at least that’s how the illusion made me feel.

I had stayed in an abusive relationship for far too long. Even though my mind continued to trick me, my body had been speaking to me the entire time. It wanted my attention, but my attempts to keep a family together and to hold on to the hope that I could “fix” someone struggling with addiction and childhood trauma, kept me stuck in a loop. It was the healer in me that saw all the potential without accepting the reality.

When I received my first Reiki attunement in the fall of 2016, a small seed was planted. It would be many years before I pursued Reiki as a profession, but that first attunement felt like a silent gateway into a new world. When one receives an attunement, it starts a process of clearing blocked and stagnant energy within the entire subtle energy system. I didn’t make the connection then, but looking back I see the pieces more clearly. After that first attunement, I became increasingly aware of the reality of my situation. So much so, that it grew harder and harder to believe the lies my mind kept telling me.

One of the biggest shifts after the attunement, was an opening up to others about what had been going on in the relationship. I had tried to hide many things for a long time, pretending it was okay and making excuses for his behavior— always hoping it would improve. This started to change slowly, and it felt more comfortable to let others in and reveal the truth. In doing this, I began to feel stronger, less alone, and more optimistic about making it on my own as a single mom. For many years I had been made to feel like I’d be nothing without him, that I wouldn’t be able to handle anything on my own, that I could never leave. The mind is such a powerful thing when we can’t silence it, and it starts to block those clear whispers from the heart. Those whispers get blocked behind fear, illusion, trapped emotions, and a dysregulated nervous system, keeping us stuck in survival mode— seeking whatever we can consume to quiet the inner turmoil, instead of making space to process the truth.

It would be another year before I finally exited that chapter of my life. But once I started receiving Reiki, opening up to practises like breathwork, guided meditation, and getting outside support, ( in secret) I started to become stronger internally, and began accepting my reality.

I learned a massive lesson from that relationship: no one can heal another; one must first make the choice to heal. I finally heard my inner voice clearly. It told me, “This can never change — only you can change, and hopefully they will want to change one day for themselves.” I accepted the truth and allowed my heart to lead the way forward.

Eight years later, I have not experienced a single panic attack…

My heart had known the truth all along; my mind convinced me to stay out of fear. My body’s wisdom had given me clear guidance, and my biggest regret was not listening sooner.

These are my authentic words, with the help of grammar check.

With love, Krystle